God's Sense of Humor

Our beautiful daughter is now 6.5 months old, and it's been a whirlwind. While I've been packing up her 6 months clothes and organizing the 6-9 month clothes, it's amazing to me how quickly wee ones grow and change. We had her 6 month photos taken a couple of weeks ago, and how she's changed is significant, as per usual.

I'm quite thankful to be back at my full-time job, and I never thought I would feel that way until I was living it. I love my daughter, but she has an incredible daycare, is a social butterfly, and it brings out the best in her. And I don't feel I'm equipped to do the SAHM thing. I greatly respect all women who do, because it would be hardest and most rewarding job ever. I've seen my BFF do it for 6+ years, >2 of those while her hubby was deployed overseas, and holy crap she's a goddess for it. I don't think I'm cut out for it, and I am not really planning on finding out soon.

Which is incredibly ironic, considering we always said we would consider me staying at home when we got to 2 kids, at least until the oldest was in kindergarten (so we'd only have to pay for daycare for one at a time). Well, that was before we found out that:
1) I don't think I'm the SAHM type, nor that it would be best for me or the kids
2) I received a promotion at work that makes it cost-prohibitive for me to SAH
3) Our two children will be, at most, 13 months apart in age.

Yuppers, I'm 12 weeks, 1 day pregnant. We are officially in the group of those who were "not trying, not not trying" and conceived. While I still look cross-eyed at those who say things like, "All I have to do is look at her and she gets pregnant", I can't anymore to those who say, "It just sorta happened".

Our detail is a little more funny, in my opinion. We were coming off two weeks of a perfect storm:
Thursday-Me-Strep Throat;
Friday-Hubby-Strep Throat and Daughter-Ear Infection;
Sunday-Daughter in hives, allergic to penicillin;
Tuesday-Me-In ER due to stomach flu, getting IVs
Friday-Hubby-In ER due to stomach flu, getting IV
Saturday-House thermostat dies
Sunday-Main cable to garage door snaps

A week and a day after, feeling slightly more human again, kiddo goes to nap. We look at each other, I say "Ya wanna?" (or something along those romantic lines), he says "sure", I say, "Just to warn you, I think it's my good time, but we know that doesn't mean anything." He says, "okay". Post-event, no headstands or good joo-joo prayers, no fertility dances, just on our merry way with the rest of our weekend.

Fast forward 13 days, and I say to hubby, "I don't really feel like my normal PMS self".
The next day, I realize I forgot to pay daycare and forgot to pay my car payment. Both are nothing like me. The day after that, he asks if I started, I say "no", and realize I should've that day. He asks me if I'm going to take a test, I say I will in the morning...then I discover I have no tests in the house. Me, the woman who tests every cycle, some twice, for years...

Wednesday, December 1st, I bought a test after dropping off kiddo at daycare, on my way to work. I take it in the bathroom at the encouragement of the women on my bulletin board on babycenter.com. Flaming, bright, positive. Brightest I've ever had.

The next day, we legally finalized our daughter's adoption.

Since then we've done 2 more ultrasounds and heard the "Littlest's" heartbeat on doppler last Friday. We've heard lots of words to describe it as people find out:

Amusing
Surprising
Blessing
Funny
Awesome

"Littlest's" due date is 8/8/11. Daughter's birthday is 7/8/10. I'm amazed. And thankful.

Um...19 months later...

We can see how I did with the whole blogging notion. I completely forgot what my account was, what I had it set up through, and never came back to it.

I'm now re-motivated due to my BFF starting her own blog, and the fact that I want to "follow it". Did I mention I'm not computer savvy in the slightest? My hubby works in IT, and I firmly believe that the IT stuff should be all his. I can work my blackberry for work (change ringtone, use google, play brickbreaker like a fiend...oh, and check email and text), I can print stuff at work, use fax, use laptop, remote in. That's probably about it, because it's all I need to know.

So here's what's happened (sure I'm forgetting something):

• Started fertility treatments for 5 cycles. Result= 1 more miscarriage
• Started domestic adoption process. Result=1 year of waiting, 1 miracle daughter who will be 7 weeks old tomorrow
• Started going to a church in January 2010. Result=LOVE the church, not ready to join yet, not been there in 9 weeks due to bulletin point above

And the baby is fussing...maybe I'll be back before another 19 months?!?

kickoff post

To be completely forthright, I'm starting this because I have a few friends with blogs and have had livejournal accounts and myspace accounts, and each time I've ended up with "real life" friends that have access to them. Sometimes I want to be completely unabashedly crazy about what's driving me nuts in life--and I think that's the point of blogs.

Type what you think, screw the others opinions. Maybe people have an agenda, a cause...and others just ramble. I'm somewhere in between.

A little about me: I have a wonderful husband, two amazing dogs, a nice house, a great job, the best friends a person could wish for, loving family, and even a fun and rewarding "hobby" coaching kids at a local school.

I also have a type "A" personality, an extremely stressful job, very little time to myself, a husband who right now is sitting on the other side of the couch curious what I'm up to while typing so much on the laptop, a hereditary blood condition that I can do nothing about, no solid stance on my religious beliefs, and a complete inability to successfully carry a baby to "term".

I've named this blog "Wanting it All" because I want the last two. I know how blessed my life is, but I want to get my religious beliefs established...but I choose to sleep in on Sundays. I want to keep trying to conceive, but knowing my physical limitations and the odds stacked against me, after the heartbreak of 2 confirmed miscarriages (and an unknown amount of unconfirmed) over the last 3 years, I've lost a bit of faith here.

...faith a bit lost, hope still alive to try every month. While starting the domestic adoption process...but more on that later...